smart enough to wish i was more kind

Saw Sufjan Stevens, Cat Power, M. Ward and Sleigh Bells. Got paid for doing theatre in Melbourne (stage managing a Fringe show!). Wrote a memoir piece. Wrote about my struggles with my religion. GRADUATED HONOURS FIRST CLASS. Moved into my current house, The Vicarage. Met Cass and Nathania for the first time. Went home to Malaysia in Australian winter. Paid my own money to fix my car after a stupid accident (still haven’t told my dad). Read things on a Kindle. Made peanut butter fudge. Interviewed my family. Bought a ticket to Europe (2012!). Started watching (and becoming a hopeless fangirl of) Friday Night Lights, The Wire, Sherlock and Doctor Who.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I’m pretty sure the only resolution I made was a pact with my best friend to stop making fun of unfortunate looking/mismatched couples on Facebook. I have not gotten any less mean about that, but we laid off a few people. I resolve to remain this horrible and unkind forever. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth get married? 

Two did! Melbourne BFF and another close friend. Babies TBC. 

4. Did anyone close to you die? 

No. 

5. What countries did you visit? 

All my travel’s saved up for 2012. 2011 was Melbourne, Brisbane (briefly) and Kuala Lumpur. 

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? 

More experiences. More doing of things. Celebrating Eid and Ramadan at home for the first time in four years. More writing. 

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory and why? 

 October 28th, because that was my Honours thesis and exegesis due date, and I must have said it and thought it a million times.  

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 

GRADUATING HONOURS FIRST CLASS. Finishing my four year tenure as editor of The Player, the newsletter then magazine of Student Theatre and Film. Getting offered (sometimes) paying, out-of-university theatre jobs. 

9. What was your biggest failure? 

Blerg. A lot of tiny small things that keep me up at night like mosquitoes, and that I blog about or turn into shitty poetry. Still dreaming about that stupid boy I had a secret crush on for two years. Still not finding a real person to have and like and love and be with. As always, being too hard on myself. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 

Did I ever tell you about the cold sore that gave me a body image crisis? Other than that I got sick in the week leading up to my thesis submission date. 

11. What was the best thing you bought? 

Any vintage dress in my growing collection. I didn’t buy it, but my sister and her dude got me a Kindle and I love it to pieces. Also, I got Eileen Myles’ The Importance of Being Iceland with a birthday book voucher and it is definitely one of my Top 3 books for the year. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?   

Everyone who put up with my constant whining about Honours, but especially that special cabal of readers and supporters I would email bits of my work to. My dad, always.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  

I complain about so many people (that’s why I lock my Twitter account!) but if I sit down and take a breath, I can honestly say no one that I personally know and care about. 

14. Where did most of your money go? 

Rent, being the first person to pay bills for the household, vintage dresses and food. 

15. What did you really, really, really get excited about? 

Going home after a year and a half. GRADUATING HONOURS. Writing about all my shit. I like saying that seeing Sufjan Stevens was “transcendent” to be wanky, but it was actually so beautiful. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? 

None really, but I continued to keep dancing to Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn, whose play count on iTunes has proved it to be my Definitive Jam. 

17. Compared to this time last year are you:
Happier? Yes, I think! I have so much to look forward to in 2012, and I accomplished something huge and worthy this year!  

Thinner? I’m exactly the same size, probably.  

Richer? Yes, because I’ve been saving for Europe but all that money’s already earmarked, so in a sense just as broke/doing okay as always. 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? 

Drinking water. Moisturizing. Seeing more friends. Saying yes. Sleeping. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? 

Wasting time on the Internet. Worrying. Daydreaming (as opposed to something more productive). Being tense.  

20. How did you spend Christmas? 

Home alone alternating between: stretched out on the pull out couch watching TV on my laptop/eating/being amazed by hail/taking a bubble bath. I blogged about it. Twice. 

21. How will you be spending new years? 

Uh, I hope sitting in my lounge room with the curtains drawn, air conditioner blasting, watching Season 3 of The Wire is an acceptable answer.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011? 

No. But I’m optimistic for this year. 2012!

24. What was your favorite TV program? 

COMMUNITY. #sixseasonsandamovie But also, FNL and Doctor Who. 

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? 

I probably don’t hate anyone, but I mostly dislike everybody! What a bunch of jerks. 

26. What were the best books you read? 

As above, The Importance of Being Iceland. My Mother She Killed Me, My Father He Ate Me. Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself. A Literate Passion: Letters of Anais Nin & Henry Miller. Just Kids. Crush. The Paris Review Book of People with Problems.

27. What was your biggest musical discovery? 

Oh dang. I’m very song-driven. I don’t care so much for the artist or band (I mean, I care that they are making good songs, but I’m not loyal to them). Also, my musical habits are made of cycles and phases, so a lot of things I like now I won’t like as much in a few years. Also, I don’t *love* a lot of music, I don’t know. I’m very academic about it. Robyn 4EVA, and that’s all I’ll commit to. (I am partial to prime sassy musical ladies though)

28. What did you want and you got? 

I feel like this question, to me, is exactly the same as number 29. Does that make sense? Yes or no, that’s pretty much my answer. 

29. What did you want and not get? 

See above. 

30. What was your favorite film of this year? 

ATTACK THE BLOCK. Haha, my love for that movie is still new and fresh. 

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?

23, and I had dinner with my good friends who happened to be all female, and allowed myself to lament only a little bit that I need to re-up on good dude friends.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 

Steph’s answer is great, so I’m going to steal it! “There just isn’t anything that I could take back. I feel like all of it had to happen. If I’d had a ton of money, though…”

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? 

Dresses, all day err’day. 

34. What kept you sane? 

Naps. Friends who email/text/Gchat you back. The Internet (while simultaneously also making me insane). Eating my feelings. 

35. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?

Right now, Michael B Jordan is up on my roster of fantasy boyfs/husbands. I can fancy a celebrity at the drop of a hat, is the thing (what’s up, John Boyega?). It’s a problem. 

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Hm. I keep my politics close to my chest, half because I worry about being uninformed as I slowly try and learn about certain issues and the other half because I get annoyed by people who shove theirs down my throat. Sporadic apathy also plays a part. It is comfortable in this middle-class, first world living bubble of mine. To paint it with a broad stroke, my current and ongoing cause (which does not imply it excludes all other causes) is addressing privilege and deeply integrated sexist/gender-normative notions.

37. Who did you miss? 

Kindred. My sister. My dad. 

38. Who was the best new person you met? 

I don’t know if I met that many truly new people, but I did strengthen some friendships, or upgraded them from acquaintanceships. Davina, Cass, Nathania, Patty, Sarah P, Anneli, Leo, Matt, Eben. Also, started getting along with my colleagues this year. 

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011: 

I’ve learned nothing I can sum up so eloquently! And I’m cool with that!

40. Quote or Song Lyric that sums up your year: 

I’m quoting myself! From a blog post! YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. I wrote this in November, and then a few days ago I stumbled on a Sylvia Plath quote and found out I stole it from her, inadvertently. (My 2012 Resolution was to be less insufferable, but there’s only so many days in a year and who wants to waste it on the absolutely impossible??)

Oh the pains of being your own person, of living in your own skin, of speaking in your own voice, and declaring yourself. I am, I am, I am.